She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
