Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
