Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
