I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
