just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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