He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
