Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
