did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
