I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
