Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
