a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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