Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
COCAINE IS GR8
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
