CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
