Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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