Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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