While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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