where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
