her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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