I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Randomize
