Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
