Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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