Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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