I faked an abortion last night.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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