I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
