cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I smell stomach acid.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
