Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I party with great urgency now.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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