I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
