I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
