it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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