the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
