I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
