Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
