I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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