the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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