so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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