Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
