She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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