I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
