I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
As shirtless as possible
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
