its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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