I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
