You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I am naked and annoyed.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
