the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
