Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I want you more than these girls want KFC
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
