Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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