the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
