I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
