Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
