Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
