and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
