Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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