Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
