I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
