But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
